Recently I went to go and see Wicked (the musical) with a couple of my friends; an activity that isn’t too out of the ordinary. However, as I sat there, between two girls I’ve known for almost a decade of my life, I was overcome just how much their friendship has moulded me.
The first time I saw Wicked, I was 13 years old
We were going to watch it on a school trip. I was at a school that, unbeknownst to me, I would leave that following year, and I was trying my best to fit into a group that I knew wasn’t quite right for me.
It was a few days into the new year and I hadn’t seen any of them since our last day of school, when we had all broken up for Christmas. I showed up at the train station excited to catch up on our holidays, only to find that everyone but me had got a Blackberry phone for Christmas. Cue a train ride to Victoria, where everyone sat in silence, giggling over the BBM group chat that I was not able to join.
“I can say, hand on heart, that I wouldn’t be the version of myself that I am without the comfort blanket of the friends that I’ve made. “
We got to the theatre and nothing changed, except for the pit in my stomach that only sank lower. They proceeded to message each other up until the first chord played, and then we were plunged into a 2 and a half hour show about friendship.
They didn’t mean it
And they, of course, weren’t horrible people. They weren’t going out of their way to exclude me. They were just excited 13-year-olds who probably also knew in their hearts that, while I was there and got along with them, we weren’t meant to be. But I tried. I had tried for over a year before that, and I continued to try for the full year after. I had convinced myself that our friendship was fine, but this musical about a green witch made me think otherwise.
As Elphaba and Glinda sang through ‘For Good’, a song about how knowing each other had changed them for the better, I found myself longing for a friendship like that, and coming to terms with the fact that I had not yet experienced it. 13 years later, I found myself sat in that same theatre watching them sing it again. Except this time, I was sandwiched between two girls that I consider family. Two girls that have certainly changed my life for good.
Friendship is a funny thing
I suppose when you look into any human behaviour too much, the concept becomes a bit weird, and when I think about the concept of friendship I find it funny how odd the whole thing is. Essentially, we find other humans floating around this Earth and decide that they’re the ones we want to float around with. We build our own families, communities, love people purely through choice, let them shape us and play a part in shaping them too.
When I wrote my book, it was really important to me that the friendships in my main character’s life were as prevalent in the story as any romance was. Friendship can, in my opinion, be just as romantic and fulfilling as any relationship can. Everything I feel for the family I’ve picked up along the way in the last ten years burns so deep and so bright that I can only know it to be another, less conventional form of true love.
I can say, hand on heart, that I wouldn’t be the version of myself that I am without the comfort blanket of the friends that I’ve made. They help me go about each day with a confidence I wouldn’t have without the pillowy safety blanket of their love ready to catch me at any inconvenience.
So, here’s to friendship
The greatest thing about my revelation at Wicked, was that that was the first time I’d even recalled those bad friendships in over ten years. That moment had stuck with me for so long; I had cried to myself the second I got home, and then there I was years, later struggling to piece the memory back together. All it takes is the right people to erase everything that wasn’t quite right from the back of your brain.
I can say, for certain, that my friends have changed me for the better, and I can assure you that they are around for good.
Hug your friends tight today (And go and see Wicked).
Lots of love,
Jas xx
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