Let’s start with a heavy topic today: Insecurity.
Why is it so easy to spot our own flaws? I mean, I’ve always had things I didn’t like about my body… I haven’t liked my stomach since I was 6, and I never liked the ways my thighs jiggled, but over time things that I never thought would bug me… things that aren’t even that wrong with me have become more of an issue.
Insecurity and life changes
I think I mentioned in my post on The Colour Problem with Makeup that I got into wearing makeup really late. I mean, you weren’t allowed it at secondary school, and my skin’s always been pretty clear so I saw no need in purchasing foundations and concealers, but by the time I got to sixth form that started to change.
Suddenly makeup was allowed and girls came in with porcelain skin, an absence of eye bags, perfectly drawn on eyebrows and long curly eyelashes. The girls who were already pretty took their prettiness to a whole other level and I began to notice a whole lot more wrong with myself. The non-spotty skin that I once prided myself on was no longer good enough, I noticed the slight discolouration in certain areas and the eye bags and the lack of perfection. Yeah, my eyebrows were shaped, and yeah they’re naturally quite full but they weren’t as perfect as those who used products. With time, everything became a bigger deal – my arms were too flabby and my nose was too flat and yeah my eyelashes are quite naturally curly but they didn’t stand out enough.
Insecurity is a part of life
Yes, I could sit here and preach about how you should never compare yourself to other people, but the truth is it’s so easy to do, and often we get lost in everybody else’s pro’s that we can only notice our cons. I’ve gotten way better at self-confidence since January, and I know that I’m more than just my flaws, and people come in all shapes and sizes but sometimes that can be hard to remember when you’re surrounded by people you deem to be “better than you”. I wrote in my Project 2017 Feb Update that I’ve spent quite a bit of February suffering with insecurity. That is true, but I’ve also gotten a lot better at handling how I deal with this insecurity.
I’m never gonna be perfect. None of us are ever gonna be perfect. But one day, I’m gonna look back at the body and face and hair that I have now and wish that I looked like that again, the same way I look at pictures of 15-year-old me, at the peak of her insecurity and realise that she wasn’t half as fat as she thought that she was. The truth of the matter is, as much as we might look at other people and wish we had what they had, we all only get one body, and it would be a shame to spend our whole lives hating it.
Overcoming insecurity is a journey
No, confidence doesn’t come overnight. I mean, I’ve spent 2 months working on my confidence and I still have a long way to go, but everybody’s gotta start somewhere right? My motto for most things in life is if you don’t like it, change it… But when it comes to me (and a lot of other people) that’s not the best motto when it comes to things to do with wait and body insecurity. So, I recommend you focus on changing the external things: be more adventurous with makeup, cut or dye your hair, change your eyebrow style, buy some new clothes or underwear that you feel good in… It all makes more of a difference than you’d think.
The most important thing to remember with insecurity (something I’m still working on) is that your “flaws” aren’t the problem, your attitude to them is. Yeah, my skin may not be 100% even, but at least it’s smooth, and no I’m not happy with the way my thighs jiggle but I have a pretty great butt… Everyone has something to be proud of, start noticing your own pro’s!
You’re all amazing, feel free to leave something you like about yourself in the comments, or your thoughts on insecurity,
Lots of love,
Jas xx
Such honesty! It is hard not to compare yourself to others. Everyone does it, but I think we forget this sometimes. We all see something in other people we wish we had…but the chances are someone has wished they had something you have! I think we all need to love ourselves more! ?
Couldn’t agree more, we all forget to appreciate what we have and spend too much time focusing on what we wish we had. we should all get better at embracing ourselves!
Jas xx
Definitely! People need to compliment each more as well ?
It’s super easy to look at your flaws and just think “oh I’m ugly.” It’s hard to acknowledge your strengths. Society puts a lot of stigma around women not hating themselves and it’s just plain tough to be confident so it’s normal. I’m glad you’re working through this ? take care
It’s true, in society if you’re a woman and you’re confident in your appearance you’re often seen as “arrogant” or a “bitch”, but we should all be more appreciative of who we are!
Jas xx
Beautifully written and it definitely resonated with my Jasmine, this hit home. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others, and I try not to do it, but it is easier said than done, but you are so right in championing ourselves, flaws and all, and not giving in to our own insecurities and changing the way we see them – it’s so true and something I’m still working on, but I definitely needed to read this today! I’m going to follow your lead and start noticing my pros and taking the focus off my cons – thanks for the inspiration today Jasmine! – Tasha
So glad this helped you, honestly I was really hoping that this would help anyone feeling insecure like I am! So happy you’ve decided to focus on your pros as well, you seem amazing and you deserve to!
Jas xx
It did, it was definitely needed so thank you! <3
Confidence REALLY doesn’t come overnight. I never worked on my confidence, but somehow, over the past three years, I have become way more confident about my body and my looks. I don’t know why! But today I noticed my friend looking at herself from different angles in her camera and sighing miserably because she was having an ‘ugly day’ – literally her mood changed because she didn’t like how she looked EVEN THOUGH we were having a really good time. It made me so so sad. She is honestly so so stunning but just really didn’t see it, only saw the small flaws. This post is beautifully written, and speaks from the heart. So many people are insecure that they forget how to love themselves. I think I will share this with her, the world could do with some positivity 🙂
I’ve been exactly where your friend is so many times, feeling bad about yourself can end up getting in your head and ruining you’re whole day. I’m so happy that you think this post could be helpful to her, writing it helped me a lot and I hope she has a positive effect too, keep me updated!
Jas xx
It’s sad because one then lets an insignificant thing stop them actually LIVING. All because of perception. I am glad that writing it helped you – writing can be a form of self therapy 🙂 I wish you so much self love and body confidence 🙂 <3
Thank you so much, honestly it means so much! I wish you the same ?
Jas xx
I love this. I feel like I’m always looking for all the flaws in myself rather than loving myself. It is so easy to do. We get caught up in the negative rather then the positives. Thanks for your honesty.
Thank you for reading my post! It’s so important to try and drown your negatives out with positivity, none of us do that enough!
Jas xx
Very honest post!
Thank you!
Jas xx
I’m turning 52 this year, and I still have days I struggle to overcome insecurities from my teens! You’re absolutely right – it’s so hard not to fall into the trap, and kudos to you for taking steps to focus on the positive! Beautiful post, Jasmine!
Thank you so much!
Jas xx
Thanks for such an honest post. I found that my insecurities and focus on my body wasn’t so much about my body but how I viewed myself in general. I used to really dislike the person I was, but once I came to appreciate myself my attitude has changed. Also, since I started lifting weights my body confidence has got better. That’s not because I’m lean or toned, because I’m not – I have flabby bits and everything! But I have learned to love my body for what it can do and how it gets me around in this life. I still have the odd ‘moment’ where I compare myself, but then I just tell myself to focus on me and not what everyone else is doing 🙂
Love this! It truly is all about the attitude you take surrounding your body, which is why I’m aiming to be more positive!
Jas xx